THE RUNDOWN

• Dog drops a deuce → Tony P vanishes for cleanup
• U.S. bread, milk & Skittles banned in Europe (yoga-mat chemical, pus, titanium dioxide)
• Breakfast cereal → ADHD epidemic; Tony P: “Lucky Charms gave me B-cups”
• Chicken so fake it needs artificial chicken flavor in labs
• Hormones in poultry → girls hit puberty 5 years early
• 3D-printed burgers, Bill Gates’ lab meat banned overseas
• Oreos that survive blowtorches; McDonald’s burgers that never rot
• Farm salmon swimming in penicillin & mercury
• Epic NYC bagel orders: everything toasted, capers pressed, lox thick
• Kids can’t strike matches but 3D-print fidgets
• Tony P to Trump in Atlantic City: “Go f*ck yourself, give me my money”

RFK Jr. bolts when guy collapses near Trump (“two uncles down, any commotion = exit”)