*Ron's dad swiped his bar mitzvah cash. Tony's mom botched the abortion. $75 ticket dings mid-app download. Who has the most dreamy eyes? *Jewish mob tales: 78-year-old boss Mr. Toby. *Tony's GF froze in a car at Mohegan Sun during his 5–6 year blackjack bender. Turks & Caicos casino freakout: “I DON’T WANNA GO BACK!” *Ex-fiancée bolted for Playgirl’s Man of the Year—Brad Pitt’s Fight Club double with a Prince Albert. *Ron’s right side shorter (leg, thumb, testicle); hip surgery needed. *NYC Marathon hell: 3:30am start, 2-hour wait in colonial barracks, 55,000 runners doing WHAT off Verrazano Bridge! Ron hand-holds stunning London stranger for final 2 miles, finishes together. *Rant: “Every show has a gay character—I watch Matlock.” Tony caps with 90s freestyle rap battle